Blog for Self Improvement

I have to give a presentation to the shareholders meeting next week. I am petrified of speaking in front of groups! You’ve got to help me!

As a counselor and coach specializing in phobias and stress management, I often hear pleas like this one from my clients. For many people, public speaking anxiety is very real and very debilitating. It can pose a major detriment to career advancement or to promoting your business.

One way to beat speaking anxiety is to join Toastmasters International. This non-profit organization, founded in 1924, offers a first-rate educational program for speaking and leading with confidence. Toastmasters has helped millions of people over their platform jitters. You can join the organization through a local club, where you’ll find friendly people who have “been there.” Toastmasters International has 8700 clubs in over 70 countries. If you can’t find a nearby club, Toastmasters International will help you start one in your community or corporation. For more information go to www.toastmasters.org.

Confidence alone does not make someone a good speaker. Polished speaking skills come from knowing your subject matter, preparing and organizing the material, and practicing your delivery. Toastmasters will give you a supportive atmosphere where you can put these skills to work.

For my clients, I work with them on the emotional end of things—overcoming the fear and anxiety. Drawing on professional training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy, and my own experiences as a speaker and trainer, I use a combination of coaching, relaxation training, mental rehearsal, and guided imagery to help people replace their fears with confidence and motivation. Obviously, I can’t show you all these methods in this article. However, I can give you some easy-to-follow stratagems that should make your next speech a bit easier. Here are ten things you can do to overcome your fear of public speaking.

1. Give up the belief that you have to be perfect.

Most people are afraid of public speaking because they fear the embarrassment of making mistakes in front of others. Anxiety over mistakes only makes mistakes more likely. Having anxiety could be the biggest mistake of all! Even professional speakers occasionally make mistakes. The difference is that they don’t consider mistakes major obstacles to success. The secret is to accept that mistakes are going to happen sometimes, and to develop the ability to recover from them quickly. Dr. L. Michael Hall, author of Secrets of Personal Mastery, advises, “Give yourself permission to be gloriously fallible!”

The way to recover from a mistake is to observe it dispassionately, take whatever corrective action is appropriate, regain your composure, focus on what to say next, and get on with it. Dwelling on an error and feeling bad about it only adds to your confusion. Leave the mistake behind and move forward.

You can’t please everyone in your audience. Sure—some listeners may think you are a moron for making a mistake. Some won’t even notice it. Others may admire the way you recover so easily. Some may be relieved to know you are human. Some won’t care one way or the other.

Mistakes can provide excellent feedback for improvement. Mistakes often promote single-trial learning, so it’s almost certain you will never make the same mistake twice. Ask yourself “What is the worst that can happen if I make a mistake during this speech?” Making a mistake does not carry a death sentence.

2. Visualize the outcome you want.

People who fear public speaking visualize their upcoming speaking opportunities as abysmal failures. They see themselves fumbling clumsily with notes, stammering, becoming mute, turning red, possibly crying, horrifying audiences with their stupidity, and slinking away to live out the remainder of their miserable lives in exile, reviled as a social reject. Psychologists call this method of preparation “negative anticipation.”

STOP IT! Each time you engage in this mental flagellation, shake yourself out of it. Say “STOP” loudly to yourself. Do anything to get your mind out of the failure trap. Sing, whistle, recite poetry, walk around the block, or talk to a friend. You can even make those scary images seem silly and laughable, by imagining your audience in clown costumes, or seeing your performance in fast motion.

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author Steven Covey tells his readers to “begin with the end in mind.” Visualize yourself giving that speech the way you want to. If you anticipate success, you are more likely to get it. Mentally rehearse that you are speaking confidently with a smooth delivery to an appreciative audience. Hear the words coming out of your mouth in a flowing cadence. See yourself with an erect posture, breathing free and easy. By visualizing this way, you are programming your mind and body for the results you want.

3. Prepare Positively

Stop worrying about yourself and get excited about your subject! You have something important to say and others want to hear about it. If you can, pick a subject you enjoy. Speak on topics you know well. Even if you are delivering dreary statistics about last year’s crop failure, put something of yourself into your speech. Include an anecdote, or a quotation. Bring in the human interest perspective. Practice and preparation are easier if your subject matter is important and/or enjoyable to you. If you think your material is interesting and meaningful, your audience will catch your enthusiasm and appreciate your sincerity.

4. Love your listeners

Once, just before I was about to speak to classroom of 70 students, a colleague asked me, “How can you be so confident will all those people judging you and finding fault with you?” Now there is a defeatist presupposition, if I ever heard one! It had never even occurred to me to think of my students in that way! “I am confident,” I answered, “because I don’t think that way. I assume my audiences are friendly. I assume they are here because they are interested in what I have to say. I love my audiences and I assume they love me.” You get back what you put out---and nowhere is this adage more true than in public speaking. If you want your audiences to like you, you have to like them first.

5. Put the past behind you---at least the ugly parts

Some people have speaking anxiety because of some humiliating incident of the past---often in childhood. Such events can be highly traumatizing for children (and not a joyride for adults, either) and can cause life-long, paralyzing fear. If such an incident is the basis of your fear, visit a therapist or counselor who specializes in phobias. Phobias are nothing to be ashamed of. Researchers estimate that 80 percent of the population has at least one in a lifetime. Contrary to popular belief, many phobias can be cured, usually in three or four therapy sessions.

Maybe your fear isn’t a true phobia, but still relates to past flops and embarrassments. Remember: All good speakers started out as not-so-good speakers. They improved because they resolved to do better the next time.

6. Get some rest and avoid hassles

Plan ahead and get a good night’s sleep before your presentation. If you have trouble falling asleep, drink some warm milk (yes, it does work), and think some pleasant, relaxing thoughts. It may help to listen to a relaxation tape or soft music, or do some light reading before going to sleep. If you can, clear your calendar of stressful events that could interfere with your ability to concentrate and speak confidently and sincerely. In other words, don’t schedule a job interview, a dentist visit, or a meeting with your ex-spouse’s lawyer on the same day you are going to deliver that all-important speech!

7. Avoid mood-altering substances

Some people mistakenly think that drinking lots of coffee or alcohol, smoking cigarettes or popping a tranquilizer before speaking will improve their delivery. They do it to pep up or calm down. Mood-altering substances are an emotional crutch you don’t need. The problem is that you can’t regulate the dosage. You don’t know how much is too much. Once it is in your bloodstream, there is little you can do about it. Your relaxation may turn to sluggishness. Your pep may turn to jitters. It’s best to avoid these substances altogether.

Additionally, eat lightly, or not at all, one hour before speaking. A full stomach can lower your energy level and concentration, because your body is busy digesting food. Any nervousness can make digestion difficult. You don’t want a belch or a gurgling stomach interrupting your speech!

8. Look your best

Take some time with your appearance. Polish your shoes and comb your hair. Wear attractive, flattering, professional-looking clothing. When you look good, you feel confident. If you aren’t sure what looking good is all about, do what professional speakers do. Have a few sessions with an image consultant to learn about the colors and styles that look best on you. Women can get personalized advice on hair and make-up. A good image consultant can tell you how to look fantastic without spending a fortune.

9. Remember to breathe

Anxiety tightens the muscles in the chest and throat. With a restricted airway and without enough oxygen, your voice can come out as a squeak! Deep breathing, on the other hand, sends oxygen to the lungs and brain and expands the throat and chest, promoting relaxation. As you approach the platform, take a deep breath and relax.

10. Focus on friendly faces

While speaking, maintain eye contact with your listeners. Find friendly faces and focus on them. Smiles and approving nods will give you extra encouragement.

Final Words….

It’s ironic that some people are more afraid of public speaking than of driving on the highways. Yet, vastly more casualties and fatalities result from traffic accidents than from public speaking. Fear is a natural survival mechanism. It can motivate us, or stop us in our tracks. In situations that pose a threat to life and limb, fear motivates us to be careful. On the other hand, fear is a problem when it interferes with our goals and achievements. These ten tips will help you progress toward confidence on the platform. Ultimately we succeed when we conduct ourselves according to the rewards we want, rather than the things we fear.

Source: http://www.articlecube.com

Judith E, Pearson, Ph.D. owns and manages Motivation Strategies, Inc., a counseling and coaching practice in Springfield, VA. She is also a free-lance writer and speaker, certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and clinical hypnotherapy. Her web site is www.engagethepower.com

An acquaintance told me a story recently about the public speaking experience that paralyzed her mentally for five years.

As the valedictorian of her high school class, she had prepared a speech called "The Power of the Mind." She was not anxious about the speech, as she was an experienced performer and speaker. She began her speech confidently, with a strong opening.

A short way into the speech, she found herself wondering, "what if I fainted?" It made no sense, since she was not afraid of public speaking, but she started to question whether she would be able to finish the speech. As this thought took hold, she started to see spots in front of her eyes. She began to feel dizzy. She grasped the lectern with all her strength to keep from collapsing.

Finally, she got a grip on herself, took some deep breaths, and was able to finish the speech. She hadn't delivered it the way she had hoped, but was able to do it without falling over.

For the next five years, every time she had to give a presentation, she would panic, and this fear - that was literally created out of her own mind - took over.

Most of our fears and anxieties about public speaking are based on thoughts that have very little to no basis in reality. Sometimes, a person has actually had real-life negative experiences that trigger those fears. But it's just as likely that a person who dreads public speaking has never had a bad public speaking experience.

I had a similar experience, in that I created fear and anxiety in my mind, but it was not about public speaking. Here's another example of this amazing power our minds have to create - and control - fear.

In 1990, I was hit head-on by a car while driving my scooter. I wasn't wearing a helmet; my head and the car's front end met in the middle of a busy intersection. I was lucky that nothing was broken and that I didn't suffer a more severe head injury. Recovery was slow, and soon after the accident I started having panic attacks.

I couldn't sit in a crowded restaurant. I couldn't tolerate the middle seat at the movie theater. Elevators made me anxious, and my biggest fear was sitting inside an airplane for ten hours, unable to get out. With a trip to Europe already planned, this was going to happen, whether I liked it or not.

I was referred to a therapist who specialized in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She taught me breathing, visualization and relaxation techniques. I started to find myself reversing the panic attacks. If I felt one coming on, I could close my eyes, visualize a calming scene, breathe deeply, and conquer the anxiety. It was a powerful tool.

However, I realized that I could also CREATE a panic attack, just by thinking of the trigger. So now, I could sit in the middle seat at the movie theater, but I would start worrying, "what if I have a panic attack?" By letting the idea get comfortable in my mind, I could create the panic attack out of thin air. Now I had the tools to combat the attack, and I also had the tools to create one from scratch.

To this day, I am more comfortable in a aisle seat. I know that I can handle a claustrophobic trigger, but I still avoid putting myself there, knowing what my brain is capable of. At the same time, when I don't have a choice, I know my brain can handle that, too. Recently, I attended a Cirque du Soleil traveling performance. Anyone who's been to one of these shows knows how tightly packed the audience is. The big top is crowded, dark, hot, and literally defines claustrophobia! I sat through the performance - in a middle seat! - and had a great time, not once feeling the dread (or allowing it to) take over.

If our mind is powerful enough to create fear from "nothing," it's also powerful enough to reframe our thoughts to propel us forward in a positive way. There have been many books written about the power of positive thinking - the most well-known of these is Norman Vincent Peale's, first published over 50 years ago. Recent medical research shows, for example, that a positive expectation of a medication has real measurable physical effects (not just the psychological "placebo effect") on our health.

How does this apply to you as a public speaker? You can control the amount of fear and anxiety you experience around public speaking. You have the power to turn negative and fearful thoughts into positive ones. How do you do it?

1. The first step is being aware of your negative thoughts. Many of these thoughts are subconscious, but becoming aware of them and bringing them forward to your conscious mind is an important step. Once you are aware of these thoughts, you are then able to replace them with positive thoughts. You might say the following to yourself, "I'm an excellent speaker. People want to hear what I have to say. I'm going to have a great time. I'm excited about sharing my expertise." You choose the words that work for you; the important thing is to say them to yourself. This is the first step toward believing your positive thoughts.

2. The next step is visualizing yourself being successful at public speaking. Using your imagination, close your eyes and see yourself in the venue, speaking to an attentive audience. They are smiling and nodding. They are fascinated by what you have to say! Visualize yourself standing confidently, smiling and delivering your presentation clearly, concisely and with passion and enthusiasm. Imagine the audience applauding at the end (why not have a standing ovation while you're at it?). Imagine people seeking you out afterward, expressing gratitude and appreciation for what you've just taught them.

3. Finally, you will want to prepare physically for your presentation. On your way to the venue, warm up your voice by singing along to your favorite music. Breathe deeply. Once you get there, stretch and massage your back, neck, shoulders, chest, jaw and face. Continue deep breathing to bring oxygen to your brain and muscles, improve blood flow, and reduce tension that can make your voice weak or quivery.

If you have severe and paralyzing fear, it might help to see a therapist to get started, but most people who fear public speaking are not paralyzed or phobic. These simple tools may be all you need to start turning around your perceptions. It won't happen overnight, but if you commit to changing your negative thought patterns, you have the power to make it so.

After five years, my acquaintance finally took control of her public speaking fears, and so can you!

About the Author: Lisa Braithwaite works with individuals to uncover their challenges and build their strengths in presenting themselves confidently as speakers. Find your voice with public speaking coaching! Sign up for my newsletter and find out about my free consultation by visiting www.coachlisab.com.

Your bad habits limit your success in life. Below are six of the worst, with suggestions on how to break them. It is great if you can retrain your mind and develop good habits too, but just getting rid of bad habits is a great start to a better life.

Bad Habits

1. Waiting for opportunity. Should I be "waiting for my ship to come in," while others are out there building ships? Waiting doesn't invite opportunities - work does. Begin searching out opportunities and creating opportunities. Training your mind to see them can be as simple as looking for them. Then train yourself to take advantage of them by always taking some small step the moment you recognize an opportunity.

2. Short-term thinking. I talked to a man who paid $700 per month in rent when a nicer place was available for $550. Why did he do it? The $700 apartment required no deposit, but the cheaper place required a $450 deposit, so he would have had to save $1,000 (instead of $700) to move in. Due to his short-term thinking, he now pays $1,800 more for rent each year.

Though short term thinking got this man into his situation, and he didn't have the $300 extra, he still could have gone to the pawn shop and raised the money. It would have cost very little interest compared to spending $1,800 more per year on rent. Consider the long-term consequences of your actions, and write them down whenever you make a decision. Continue this until your mind does it automatically.

3. Impulsive actions. A man showed me his $200 hat, then minutes later he told me he was hoping they would approve his welfare application. Perhaps a problem with impulse control? Perhaps it's possible that his bad habits have lead to a place on the welfare rolls?

The solution? You'll usually change your mind about impulsive decisions by the next day. Wait a day before taking any action that commits time, energy or money towards something that is not a major goal in your life. Do it until it is a habit.

4. Blaming. Whether justified or not, how often does blaming someone or something for our situation motivate us to improve it? It is definitely one of the worst of these bad habits, and one of the more subtle ones too. Giving "reasons" for our troubles, for example, is often just a form of blaming.

Let's suppose that a given type of business is over-regulated. Who will most likely succeed here anyhow, the man who blames the regulation for his troubles, or the one that is always asking, "What can I do to succeed with things the way they are?" If you want greater success train your mind to think like the latter. Do you want to point at problems, or deal with them?

5. Procrastination. We know that often, "later" becomes "never." To stop procrastinating, get in the habit of looking for and doing the easiest first step you can find. Often just starting will develop your motivation.

6. Indulging one's laziness. I have little to say about this bad habit, except that I don't know anyone who has suffered greatly from forcing themselves to get up and do something. Do something easy first, and if low energy is part of the problem, start learning a few techniques for boosting it, like deep breathing and singing.

Maybe you have heard the saying, "change your mind - change your life." How do you change your mind? A good start is to correct your bad habits, one-by-one. Why not work on one today?


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Source: www.easyarticles.com

About the Author: Steve Gillman has been studying brainpower and related topics for years. For more on Bad Habits, and to get the Brainpower Newsletter and other free gifts, visit: http://www.IncreaseBrainPower.com